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25 April 2004

Today

wow. I can't believe it has been seven years today. At times it doesn't seem that long, at other times it seems as if it's been longer. Last year was hard because I was far away from home. This year is hard again. I'm halfway across the country from home. Both of my roommates moved out this weekend, I don't have a bed anymore (one roomie was loaning me her bunkbeds), and I have a huge final tomorrow night(prayers are GREATLY appreciated). Plus, I just really miss Mom.

If I get a C in the aforementioned class, I will be graduating on friday. I'm walking either way. This is another graduation where my mother can't see me walk across the stage. Not by sitting in the arena/auditorium anyway. Kyle and Kristen had Momma there at their high school graduations, but I didn't get that honor. They can somewhat understand where I'm coming from, but it's different for me. I just wish she were here.

I wish Momma could see all the things I've accomplished, all the video/audio projects I've done, what I look like, my boyfriend (getting her opinion on him as well), her granddaughter, her son-in-law, her daughter-in-law, Kyle, Kristen, Daddy, what all of us are doing with our lives. I wish I could just talk to her, hug her, brush her hair (a favorite memory of mine), play my music for her, and be with her. People say as the years go by, it gets easier. I think it gets harder.

My senior year in high school we had to write a paper on a memory, any memory. I wrote about the day Momma died. You can read my paper here. It's attached to my old website, which will be coming down over the summer. I can still remember everything about that day so clearly. God gave me a photographic memory. A blessing and a curse. Sometimes I wish I could forget, but I hope I never forget.

So, it's not the easiest day, but I'll get through it. Happy Bitsy Day to you all.

Momma, I love you.