i miss these people

i...i...i just don't know what to say

so we saw this picture at a church in arkansas. we were there for a wedding. this just kinda makes me sad. more in the way it's done.



worship with tithes? yes, tithing is an act of worship, but there are so many other ways to worship that they could have put on the poster. like in singing, in prayer, in service, kneeling, hands raised, all other acceptable forms of worship. i must admit, it's one of the more clever ways i've seen to ask for money.

also, i didn't get there in time to take a picture, but a church near where i live had this on their marquee:
"warning: exposure to the Son may prevent burning"
i laughed so hard, while all at the same time wanting to throw up. i just find it sad that church people think things like that draw people to Christ. why not say you have air conditioning instead of "prayer conditioning"? i mean seriously. and condemning people on your signs really doesn't show them Christ's love. i could go on and on, but i'll stop now. this is just one of my big pet peeves when it comes to Christianity in america. maybe it happens in other places, too, but i've never been anywhere else.

avast!!

arr, matey! today be ye "national talk like a pirate day!" if ye scallywags wish to speak as a pirate, ye must plunder this site to be one of us! enjoy the high seas, ye ones. gar!!!

hilarious

i'm so gonna have to try this. a few curse words for those that are offended. but hilarious.

to my jewish peeps

Birthdays

okay, here go birthday wishes for the last week:

my nephew, Killian Rudd, on august 17. Happy Birthday, little guy, even though you can't even read yet!

my brother-in-law, Joshua Rudd, on august 22. (i hope that's right) Happy Birthday, brother!!

my best friend, Abbey Bowman, on august 23. Happy Birthday, my good friend! Hope life is treating you well!

update

so, summer is nearing a close and it's been keeping me fairly busy. swim lessons are in full swing, and only a couple more weeks are left for the season. then we take about a 2 month hiatus until the new rec center is opened. after it's built, mind you. i've still got a couple of private lessons i'll be doing, but things are slowing down as we near the end of our busy season.

since i haven't heard back from the ad agency i interviewed with, i'm assuming i didn't et the job. it really sucks. i really do want a full-time job, but i know i don't want to sit in a cube all day long. and while i enjoy teaching/managing swim lessons, i don't think i want to be doing that the rest of my life.

on a few happy notes, i finished with counseling. some of you may remember i started on a journey back in october of 2005. here is where it all came clear to me. i have been going to counseling for a few months now and my counselor said she thought we were finished. of course i'm not always happy, and of course i still miss my mom, but i've learned how to cope and process in a healthy, God-directed way. so that is exciting.

a friend of mine has agreed to disciple me and i'm super excited about that. we're still setting up our first time and what all we will be going over, but this is such an answer to prayer. see, i had asked a woman i knew a few years ago if she would disciple me, and because of things going on in her life, it just wasn't the right time. i was a little discouraged, but i knew it wasn't anything personal. however, i haven't asked anyone since. maybe i was afraid i'd be told no again, or maybe i just gave up too soon. but God put it on my heart, and i asked, being okay with whatever the answer would be. we both prayed about it and now we are on our way.

more good news, my friend sharon and i are leading worship out in tyler on sunday. we used to lead worship together in our college group and in out worship band, philippi. we are both really excited. this is something else i've been praying about, an opportunity to lead worship somewhere again, whether as the lead worshipper or just a part of a team. well, i get to do both. we are trading off leading out. i can't really describe it, but it just feels so good and right to be doing this again. like she and i are supposed to be doing this.

i've also been doing a little more photography. my bro-in-law went to prom with a friend a couple months ago, so i took my gear over and we did pictures in the house. i also am taking my youngest bro-in-law's senior pictures. we finally got around to do one shoot, during the week it wasn't raining here and we were both available. i'm also going to be taking more pictures of the hill family. we haven't scheduled that yet, though. "special k" is already 7 months old. i can't believe it. we need some updated pictures of him. and i'll also be scouting locations and taking pictures for my production company's upcoming film. i really want to save up for a better still camera. but i also want to save up for a video camera, too. decisions, decisions.

well, that's about it for now. more to come later!

one of my favorite bands EVER

so the goo goo dolls have a new song out. it's from transformers. i love these guys. josh and i hope to go see them at the end of august, but we're not sure if we can afford it. i've wanted to see them live for a loooooong time. eventually. *sigh* enjoy the video!

in memoriam

i wanted to take some time today and thank all the veterans and current military men and women for what you've done and what you do. whether you believe in the causes you fight for or not, you still serve our country. sometimes i take for granted how blessed i am to live in america. sure, it has it's problems, but i live in a country where i can practice my faith freely, where i don't have to be afraid to say the name Jesus, where i can worship my Maker publicly and not in secret. thanks to those who made that possible and to those who continue to fight for us. my prayers and thanks.

random factoids

so i was checking out a really cool blog i found, kpinion, and i commented and was asked these five questions by kpinion. here are my answers:

1. If you were stranded on a tropical island and found a crate with a life time supply of one food item, what would that item be? (keep in mind you will most likely be eating this item day in and day out until your rescue)

chocolate chip granola bars. though if asked this at some other point in time, it would probably be different. i figure granola bars are somewhat healthy and i could still get my chocolate fix

2. What is the playlist of your all time favorite album culled from any and all artists and genres?

gosh, this one will take me forever!! just a few, in random order(i have such a wealth of musical knowledge i have to sift through, here!)

name - goo goo dolls
take my life - third day
worlds apart - jars of clay
superstition - stevie wonder
sailing - christopher cross
someone like you - van morrison
i love to tell the story - hymn with extra chorus by me
come away - nickel and dime
obsession - david crowder* band
for what it's worth - buffalo springfield
i believe - blessid union of souls
refine me - jennifer knapp
by your side - sade
standing outside a broken phone booth with money in my hand - primitive radio gods

that's the album at this current time. i love music and have a music library over 100gb, so it's a little hard to whittle it all down to just one album. let's say this is disc one, disc two to come later...


3. Describe yourself in five words.

spunky
unique
caring
faithful
growing


4. What is something about yourself that you find individualistic and you love it?

i go back and forth on this, but i would have to say my voice. most people who hear me sing tell me i have such a unique voice and that i don't sound like anybody they've ever heard before. trust me, i'm no whitney or mariah, i don't have that kind of power, but i think i can have a lot of passion in my voice. right now i'm in a period where i really do like my voice

5. What is a "most embarrasing moment" that you tell with pride?

i don't really seem to remember getting embarrassed too much. this didn't really embarrass me but i fell down the stairs at my high school graduation. not full-out smack-your-face-on-the-floor kind of fall, but more in the my-shoe-caught-on-the-cable-on-the-steps-that-really-shoulda-been-taped-
inside-the-step-so-i-lost-my-balance-but-was-able-to-recover kind of fall. i still love to tell that story, it always makes me laugh!


so there you go! now for the rest of the game.

1. leave me a comment saying, “interview me.” (or any comment at all; they tend to make my day)
2. i will comment/e-mail you with 5 questions of my choosing.
3. you then have to include your answers in an update of your blog. or if you don't have a blog, get one; they're all over.
4. you will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. when others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. and thus the cycle continues.

have fun!!

i said this while totally trying to be serious...

"i've always heard the expression 'like duck off a water's back'"

what a way to switch around words accidentally. josh and i had a good laugh about this one. again, i was totally trying to be serious.

thank you gregory and the hawk

so i can't really stand beyonce, but this is fantastic. by the way, if anyone wants to buy me their album, it's on itunes.

so sick

so i've been in bed for the last 6 days. and it sucks. i finally went to the doctor today, because i had started to get better, then got worse with different symptoms. i have a nice sinus infection. so that explains why it feels like i'm swallowing a bowling ball everytime i swallow. or breathe. or yawn. or cough. or blow my nose. God bless antibiotics. trust me, i try to treat it at home, and most of the time that works, but this was just awful. i wanted to cry but it hurt too much. and then i wanted to cry because it hurt. but i'm starting to feel better. i had wanted to post on the 25th, but i was sleeping most of the day. i'll try to put that post up in the next couple of days. i just wanted to let you all know that i'm still here. i'm going to bed now. good night.

you've got to be kidding me

so a rhode island school district has decided to change the name of the easter bunny, stating that the easter bunny is too much of a Christian symbol. instead, the critter is now being renamed "peter rabbit".

in response, a state legislator has introduced "the easter bunny act" in order to protect traditions this country has held for over 150 years. he states this act would protect all cultural and religious symbols that have been traditions in this country, for example, it would protect a menorah from being called a candelabra.

i'm not upset that they want to take the easter bunny away. frankly i could care less. but obviously the school superintendent has no idea where the easter bunny even came from. a lot of people don't know where it came from, or even where the name "easter" came from. a little history, if i may.

when i was little and in sunday school, i remember asking where the chicks and bunnies at easter came from. i was always told that we had those animals at easter because they were on the mountain at the foot of the cross when Jesus was crucified, and that they were there at the resurrection. this is all lies. could there have been bunnies and chicks there? who knows. but that's not where they came from. easter was originally a pagan festival. a fertility festival, celebrating spring and the birth of all the things that bloom and are "birthed" in spring. the festival is named after the goddess of fertility, eastre. that's where the bunnies and eggs come from; they are fertility symbols.

the church and missionaries decided to celebrate a "christian" holiday on the same day as a pagan festival in order to try and convert non-believers. they let the pagans keep their festivals, but only by adding christian themes to it.

this superintendent said he wants to change the name of the easter bunny so as not to offend those that are not of the christian faith. personally, from a christian stand point, i don't want the easter bunny as a christian symbol. but it is a cultural symbol. what i find really interesting, though, is if you go to the school district's academic calendar, friday, april 6 is a holiday for the district, a good friday holiday. if the superintendent really wants to make a difference and allow for all religions, then all the jewish holidays and muslim holidays should be school holidays as well.

i don't care if you want to rename or get rid of the easter bunny. just know what your reasons are and if your reasons are legitimate and factual. i did love one response at the end of the article from the state legislator. "By the way, Peter Rabbit stole cabbages and that's not a good role model for our kids"

a quarter of a century

that is what my age will be come this friday. i don't feel like i'm going to be 25. what i think 25 should look like is not at all what i look like. i don't know how to explain it, really, but it just feels weird. part of me still feels like a teenager, and i could go into all the psychological explanations of feeling that way because my mother died when i was a teenager and a part of my psyche will always feel and be fifteen blah, blah, blah, but i just don't feel like i'm turning 25. again, i can't really explain it, that's just how it feels.

for my birthday, josh and i are taking a long weekend and going down to houston. we're staying with one of my best friends, bethany, and we're going to visit my only surviving grandparent, my mom's mother, while we're down there. we haven't been able to go visit her since she was moved to a nursing care facility, so we'll be glad to see her.

we are also getting my present while we are down there. it's something i've designed and have been thinking about for a long time. what it is, i won't say, but i will post pictures after i return. other things i want for my birthday? well, here's a few:

a subscription to paste magazine
a flickr pro account
a video camera (i'm dreaming, i know)
i-tunes gift cards
gift cards to places like barnes and noble, circuit city
a year-long (or two or four) gym membership
anything from here

in other news, we settled our lawsuit about a month ago and came out on top. the bills are paid and we were able to get a replacement for the laptop that was trashed. we are no the proud owners of a black macbook and it has been so nice to have a laptop again. josh has been able to use it at school and i've been able to go up to starbucks and get online a lot more frequently than getting out to the library. oh, and just for the record, please don't use farmers insurance for any of your insuring needs. they were absolutely horrible to us. in fact, i wouldn't have been surprised if they tried to blame josh for sitting inside a store that their client drove his vehicle into from the way they were treating us. horrible. so please, stay away from farmers insurance.

i've discovered i've lost 10 punds so far this year. that's encouraging. my husband put his arms around my waist the other day and asked "have you lost weight?" i said i think so, 'cause i've noticed my pants fitting a little bit looser. so i weighed myself and sure enough, 10 pounds lighter than they last time. i'm on my way and i'm at a good pace for my goal. maybe i can even speed it up a little bit.

i just finished a temp job and will be looking for more work after we return from houston and after my father gets married at the end of this month. i'm also applying for some internships with some production companies in the area. if i can't get paid, maybe i can get some experience so i can get a job that does pay.

lastly, i'm going to be recording in the near future. i'm hoping to put out a cd, a small one, by the end of this year. i'll let you know more on that as it develops. well, that's about all for now. but don't worry. i'll be back soon.

let there be light!!

we finally have electricity in our apartment!! yea!!!! we've been living off of 2 extension cords for some time now, and we've been managing, but it's nice to be able to flick a switch and have light emitting from the fixture on the ceiling. we've been using strategically placed floor lamps, and they've worked, but it's so nice not having to tote them around to illuminate areas of the apartment.

plus i feel better about us not overloading a single outlet anymore. we had extension cords on extension cords. i think on one of them, we had 7 different things plugged into it. yikes!! thank you Lord that there was no fire caused!! now we can actually plug in the mini fridge we have. ahh, convenience! i hope i don't take this for granted.

things i don't get

automatic-flush toilets: you lean forward to tie your shoes and suddenly water is shooting up everywhere. that, or you finish, stand up, and it doesn't flush. then the button they put there for such instances doesn't work. are we really that lazy that we can't flush our own toilet?

automatic bathroom sinks: the water is always cold and the sensor seems to change its focus every 5 seconds. again, are we too lazy to turn on the water ourselves?

automatic hand dryers (and hand dryers period): yes, they don't waste paper towels, but after you've washed your hands, you have to push the button with your elbow so as not to defeat the whole purpose behind washing your hands. meanwhile, water is dripping all the way down your arm cause the things are usually up too high. in the automatic version, the same sensor problem as the sink, and it never blows warm air. either super hot or an arctic blast. *the only automatic thing that should be in the bathroom is the automatic paper towel dispenser. you don't have to touch the sink handle after washing your hands, and you can have a paper towel ready to go so you can use that to turn off the sink ( i remembered something from my disease prevention certification class!).

why women's pants have more fabric in the front than in the back: when i sit down or lean forward, my pants don't tend to ride down in the front. in fact, they do just the opposite. so why is it that even in a pair of low-rise, or just-below-waist pants, i can use it as a bra but still look like a plumber? i think i'm gonna make a pair of jeans that will actually fit people.

how that one person will pull out in front of you when: there's no one else around you for miles, not in front of you, behind you, or in the two empty lanes next to you. yet for some reason, people cannot wait five seconds for you to pass, nor can they get in an empty lane temporarily so as not to cause you to slam on your brakes to keep from hitting them.


that's all i can think of right now. i'm sure i'll think of more at another time, and then shall there be another post. what are things you don't get?

searching

i've been doing a lot of thinking about life lately. when you have the influenza virus and are laid up for a week, almost wishing you could just die to make it go away, you tend to start thinking about life.

i've been thinking a lot about what God wants from me, what He put me here on earth for. He definitely has me here for a reason, i'm a medical marvel (kinda). by science rules, i'm not supposed to be here. after my mom had my brother and sister, she and my dad decided not to have anymore kids, and she had her tubes cut and tied. i was a big shock about 3 1/2 years later. i loved hearing that story, and i love remembering it because those times when i'm questioning my existence, it helps me remember that God really wants me here, and that He has a purpose for my life.

i guess maybe sometimes that story can go to my head and i think i'm destined for greatness. and maybe that's true, but i could also be destined to give birth to a child that will change the world, and that's my purpose. or someone i minister to in some way is who will change the world because of something i said. but i digress.

i've been thinking about times when i was really happy, times that i tend to long for again, and i try and remember what i was doing then that made me so happy. first of all, i was a lot more diligent in my pursuit of my Savior, but there were other things as well.

i lived up at the student ministry office from the middle of 7th grade until i moved away from houston right before my senior year. i loved being up there, helping out around the office, helping plan some of the events, brainstorming new events, and helping some with the videos we would put together. even when i''ve gone down to visit i've stopped by the youth office and helped out. it has this feeling of home to me.

my first two years in college i led worship at my college group. i planned out the worship sets (or i should say God planned them out, and kindly told me the plan), practiced with the band (who are still good friends of mine, i even married one of 'em!), and really grew in my relationship with the Lord. i learned a great deal about what it means to truly worship while i was in high school, but being the one who is responsible for leading people into a time of worship in the presence of God taught me so much more about what worship is and what it means to worship. it's not just through song, but that's a whole other blog post.

the worship team wasn't just a worship team, we became a worship band and a tight group of friends. while we never had a whole lot of gigs, we did have a few neat opportunities while we were together. we held a special worship night for a youth/college group going home to missouri from mexico over one new year's, when they stopped in the dallas area for the night. we actually traveled up to that same church in missouri a few months later and led worship for the sunday morning church service, and we played at a concert event at the community college. we wished we'd had the opportunity to do more, but i left for school in florida and a couple people moved away and it just kind of ended. but i remember getting together on weekends or other weeknights to hang out, and we'd end up playing our instruments, lifting our voices and praising God together. it wasn't always planned, it just sort of happened. and it was wonderful. we'd go on for hours! have you ever been worn out from worshipping God? it's the best feeling!! i haven't had that feeling for awhile.

though i haven't had much professional experience with my degree, i really do enjoy video stuff. i've got a personal project i'm working on which i hope to have ready by may, but since i haven't got a video camera, doing video stuff gets kinda difficult. i do really enjoy that, and i also enjoyed the audio work i did in school. studios, however, are expensive. plus i've been out of the loop for almost 3 years now, and i've lost some of my confidence in my skills. i know they're in my head, they're just not fresh.

well, all of this to say i still don't know what God wants from me. i know He wants me to be happy and to glorify Him in whatever i do. i want to have a job that i enjoy, something that i love. i didn't say easy, cause no job is always easy, but i want to really enjoy my work, not loathe it. as far as doing things i enjoy, i'm going to be helping out with the video ministry at my church, and i'm also going to be trying out for the worship team there in the next few weeks. while these aren't jobs, they are at least a way of doing things that i love and serving my God.

the thought of becoming a girls' minister keeps popping in and out of my head. as i said, i loved helping out at the youth office, and had even thought of going into youth ministry when i was in high school. but it didn't have a strong, strong pull towards that. it's something i'm going to be praying about. it's a big decision, and not one to be taken lightly. how would i start to go about becoming one? what type of education/degrees/certification do i need? do i even need all that? i definitely need to be more actively pursuing Christ before i take that step, if that's where God has me going. where would i go?

i just had a mini revelation. these things i've mentioned about me being happy, other than the video stuff, everything else has been me serving. whatever i do, i need to be serving God with it. maybe things will become clearer as to what exactly that is in the near future.

after all this thinking, i've set a few goals for myself this year. i don't make resolutions, because in my mind "resolving" to do something is setting yourself up for failure. a goal is something to strive for. here are the few i've come up with so far:

to seek after my Lord more dilligently. that encompasses spending more time with Him in prayer, bible reading, worship, and showing His love to others. some things are easier said than done.
to record some songs. not necessarily a whole album, but record the songs i've written so far. even if it's just rough recordings, it's something. i've had some people asking me when i'm going to make an album for about 2 years now. i think it's time i started.
to play at an open mic night at least once before july. i almost did this in florida, but never took the time to actually go up to one of those things. if you hear of any in the dallas area, or any regularly occurring ones up here, let me know about them, please.
to save up money to buy a video camera. or at least get halfway there. the one i want wil put me out about $4000. then i add the extras. yikes!
to take a photography class and possibly buy an inexpensive 35mm camera. i don't think i want to do still photography full-time, but a few sessions here and there (like the one i did for my friends and their baby). i'm also going to be taking my brother-in-law's senior pictures this year.
to play my guitar and write more. i've got one song in mind that i want to record and add my own verse to it. don't worry, it's public domain, i won't be breaking any laws.
to lose 50 pounds. i'm giving myself until my 26th birthday for this one. that's a little over a year, a healthy span of time. i've lost a couple pounds already. i wouldn't consider myself "fat", but i am overweight and seriously out of shape. i'm determined to fit into my favorite camo pants and my tiger cub scouts shirt(i got that from the salvation army, it's one of my fave t-shirts).

so there you have it. we'll see when i reach these goals. prayers in these goals and about career decisions would be greatly appreciated. i know i'll get answers to my questions, i just don't know when.

trying to calm down....

after the wonderful governor of texas made an executive order last week. the order requires all 11 - 12 year-old girls to get the hpv vaccine, gardasil, in order to attend public school. this is wrong on sooooooo many levels.

first of all, hpv is a sexually transmitted disease. sexually transmitted. that means genital to genital contact. is this really necessary for school? it's not as if a girl infected with hpv (hopefully there aren't that many young girls infected with it in the first place) touches a doorknob without washing her hands can cause another girl to get cervical cancer! why is this being required for school?! some of these girls haven't even had their first period yet and we're going to make them get a vaccine which only protects against an std? come on!!

newsflash about hpv: guys can be infected with it, too. sure, it may not turn into cervical cancer for guys, but it can cause cancer of the anus and the penis. why not require 11 - 12 year-old boys to get the vaccine, too? why is it only girls that are being required? the girls have to be having sex with somebody in order to get this disease.

one thing that pisses me off: check out the gardasil official website. at the top it reads "the only cervical cancer vaccine". this is a totally false claim!!! it does not prevent cervical cancer!! it protects against the human papillomavirus, not cervical cancer!!!!! how can they legally say that? isn't that false advertising? shouldn't it be come down upon even harder than other products since it is making a claim about our health? in their own commercial, they say the disclaimers "it may not protect everyone, and it may not prevent all cases of cervical cancer", then they immediately call it the first cervical cancer vaccine, after they just said it was anything but! arrgghhh!!!!

my husband asked me why i am so against it. why i'm not behind this. i'm not anti-vaccine, but i am anti-mandatory for school cause. as i said, it's not like mumps or measles, or even the flu, which can be contracted just by touching the same doorknob, or being in the same vicinity as an infected person. transmission requires naked people having genital to genital contact. why is this mandatory for school? it's not that communicable.

here's some facts i've learned about hpv. there are 30 strains that are transmitted sexually. of those strains, only about 10 are considered "high-risk", meaning they can lead to abnormal pap results, and in rare cases, may cause cancer of the cervix, vagina, vulva, anus or penis. (note: it said in rare cases it goes on to cancer). while most cases of cervical cancer are caused by hpv, not all cases are. those causes are currently unknown. regarding gardasil, the vaccine only protects against 4 strains of high-risk hpv. just 4. out of 10. that's not even half. how can they call it a cancer vaccine when, first of all, not all cancer is caused by hpv, and second, when it only protects against 4 out of 10 strains known to cause cervical cancer?

again, why is no attention being brought to the effects of hpv on boys? how many of you men out there would want cancer in your penis? how about your anus? my guess it none of you would want that. there may be a few exceptions, but i'm guessing most of you wouldn't want that. so why aren't we making this mandatory for our little boys? if it's only tested in women, why haven't they tested it in men? that zelnorm medicine was first only approved for women, and is now approved for both men and women, why can't they do that with this?

ok, so yes, most cases of cervical cancer are caused by hpv. but most strains of hpv do not cause cancer. the only true way to prevent hpv is not a vaccine, but abstinence. some parents were up in arms over this because they said it promoted sex. that's not why i'm upset. let's face it, no matter what religion kids are raised or what sex education (or lack of) they receive from parents, schools or doctors, if a kid decides they want to have sex, they are gonna have sex. there are kids who decide not to have sex until they are married. i am one of those kids. i kept the promise i made to myself, my family, and my God. i don't need to worry about hpv. some of these girls don't need to worry about hpv, because some of them are going to make commitments to save themselves for marriage. "but they could change their mind later." yes, they could, but isn't that their own decision? i personally don't think kids should be having sex. i'm not saying sex is bad, because it's not, it was designed before there was any sin, designed by God. but i know that kids will do what they want to do. just as sex is their own decision, shouldn't a vaccine against an std also be their own decision? or at least their parents' decision?

if you want to get the hpv vaccine, go for it, more power to ya. but don't take that decision away from individuals. that's exactly what this executive order does. it takes away parental and personal rights. you should have the right to make your own decisions about your health or your children's health. if you can opt out of this anyway, which supposedly you can for a number of reasons, why make it mandatory? texas legislators, please step in and overturn this executive order. it's taking away our rights and is totally unnecessary.

photo shoot

so i took some pictures for my friends reuven and sharon and their new baby boy, kefa alexander. it went pretty well. here are some of the best shots, and some of my favorites, though they might not be the greatest.

my husband loves me....

he bought me, as a surprise (sort of), the only thing i have wanted since, well, since it came out. that's right. i am now the proud owner of a black 80g video ipod. i'm so happy!!

it's so pretty, i just had to share! now i just need a case for it. hmm....