every day

so i just have to say the healing process really sucks. it's nasty, painful, and completely unpleasant. but at the end of it, your wounds are healed, things are restored, your life is better, you are mended.

i'm looking forward to that day when i will be mended, healed. but i need not focus on that day in the future. if i look forward to that day when all will have been made new in me, then i forget to focus on the present day, the healing of that day, the pain i have to sort through and endure as God restores me. so i'm trying to just take one day at a time. to deal with the events of the day, the things God is going to take me through that day, what wounds will be opened, which ones will be closed up, which ones will be redressed. that's all i can deal with is one day at a time.

anyone who knows me knows music is a huge part of my life. i love listening to music, singing, playing guitar, writing music, just about anything dealing with music. you would also know that i love to worship through music. man, do i love to worship that way. i bounce around, raise my hands, dance, cry out, sing at the top of my lungs, kneel on the ground in silence, whatever i can to show God how much He means to me and how much i long to praise Him and truly give him glory. i've been listening to watermark's most recent album, the purest place, a lot lately. the songs on there have been ministering to me so much lately. the last song on the album is called mended. there's aline in there that has recently rung so true with me lately. "You are our healer, You know what's broken. we're not a mystery to you." it's so comforting to know that we don't baffle our Creator. He made all who we are. He is the one who heals us. and He is the one who knows what needs to be mended. His love is perfect. nothing is forgotten.

today is my mom's birthday. she would have been 55. as my dad says, she would have been the speed limit. today i remember my mother. i hurt without her here. i miss her so much. i know one day i won't hurt so badly. today i celebrate her. she was an amazing woman and i was blessed to even have known her. and blesed beyond anything i could imagine to have had her as my mother. i love you, mom.